What to Do If You’re Worried Your Colleague Is Burnt Out

You don’t need to be a manager or a therapist to notice when something feels off with a colleague. Perhaps they're quieter than usual, more irritable or particularly prickly over issues that never bothered them in the past. Or perhaps you've noticed behaviour changes - they're missing meetings, making uncharacteristic mistakes or sending emails at 2am.

As a psychologist working in this area I think that it's really tough when someone is worried about a colleague, especially if they appear to have little awareness of their own wellbeing and are just about performing well enough to mask to others.

As a colleague you're in a tricky position - you're not a close friend or their therapist so probably worry about overstepping or saying the wrong thing, yet you care and have an urge to do something to help.

This blog will give you some pointers in a way that is kind, practical yet boundaried enough that you don't find yourself carrying the responsibility for fixing them.

How to tell if your colleague is burnt out

Burnout comes from being in chronic, unmanaged occupational stress for too long without enough resources to cope. Whilst is starts off as stress, it is a longer-term pattern of nervous system strain where the body and mind get stuck in survival mode, often causing the individual to become disconnected from their work and colleagues.

You might notice changes across three areas:

1) Energy and functioning

• They seem constantly tired or “wired and tired”

• They’re struggling to concentrate or make decisions

• They’re forgetting things, missing details, or making more mistakes

• They’re late more often, cancelling, or avoiding tasks

• They’ve stopped contributing in meetings or gone very quiet
  

2) Mood and relationships

• They’re more irritable, reactive, or sensitive to feedback

• They seem detached, flat, or emotionally numb

• They withdraw socially (less chat, skipping lunches, not engaging in banter)

• They’ve become unusually cynical, negative, or hopeless
  

3) Work patterns and coping

• They’re overworking, staying late, never switching off

• Or they’re procrastinating and falling behind in ways that don’t fit their usual style

• They’re relying more on caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, scrolling, or other “shutdown” habits

• They may say things like: “I'm no good at this" or other hints of low-self esteem or not coping (depending on how much they're masking).

  
  

One important note: some people in burnout look high-functioning for a long time. They keep performing until their system can’t any more which is when they crash - becoming unwell and in my experience people are often signed off work for several months when that happens. So trust your instincts if you’re noticing a change it's worth exploring.

Before you do anything, hold in mind your relationship to them...

It’s really compassionate to show your colleague that you have noticed and care. But it's also important to be mindful that you are colleagues which is a specific kinds of relationship, what this means for what you can realistically do in this capacity is:

• Notice

• Reach out

• Encourage support

• Help them access workplace pathways (if appropriate)

  
  

What we want to avoid is a situation where you become their primary support, take responsibility for their workload or wellbeing or start absorbing their stress until you’re burnt out too.

Step 1: Pick a good moment

Burnout tends to come with a lot of shame. Many people feel they 'should' be coping better, so it's normal to hide and avoid others as a result. So timing and privacy matter.

Choose a moment that feels: calm, not rushed, is not in front of other colleague, and is not in the middle of a high-pressure moment.

If an opportunity arises to do this during a side-by-side activity (like a walk, drive or whilst tidying together) this can offer a less intense interaction than, say, sitting opposite each other across a table. Otherwise a gentle text message or email might feel more appropriate, such as

• “Hey, can I check in with you today? I’ve noticed you seem under a lot of pressure.”
  

Step 2: Name what you’ve observed

The safest way to raise this is to describe specific changes you’ve noticed. This shows atunment and people often really value this (even if they don't respond or show it in the moment).

Try:

• “I’ve noticed you’ve seemed really worn down lately and a bit quieter than usual.”

• “You don’t seem quite yourself. I wanted to check in.”

• “I’ve noticed you’ve been working really long hours—how are you doing?”

• “I might be wrong, but it looks like things have been a lot recently.”
  

Make sure you leave enough pause to let them speak.

Step 3: Validate their experience (without jumping into problem-solving)

If your colleague is brave enough to respond, this is the time to practice listening - your aim is to listen to really understand, not to plan your own response. So don't jump in with answers or suggestions. This is really important - it makes someone feel heard and cared-for, but it is also very hard, especially if you can see options that could begin to help. What's important to know is that they are very unlikely to be ready for a problem-solving conversations until they've felt really heard.

Validating responses that you can try include:

• “That sounds really hard.”

• “I’m glad you told me.”

• “It makes sense you’d feel like that with everything on your plate.”

• “You don’t have to carry it all alone.”

  
  

It's important to highlight that someone in burnout might be sensitive to the possibility that you think they're weak or failing so avoid any comments that could downplay their experience, such as:

• “You just need a break.”

• “Everyone is stressed.”

• “Try yoga.”

• “At least you’ve got a job.” Even well-meant reassurance can come across as dismissive when someone is already stretched thin.

  
  

Step 4: Ask what would actually help (and offer realistic options)

If appropriate you could try offering some support to help come alongside them

For exmaple:

• “What would feel most helpful right now?”

• “Is there anything I can do this week that would take the pressure down a notch?”

• “Have you considered booking in to meet with to your manager/GP/Occupational Health?”

• “Would it help to think through what support is available at work?”
  

If they’re drowning in work or so burnt out they feel disconnected from their own body, they may not know what they need. You can offer small, concrete ideas:

• “Do you want me to sit with you while you email your manager?”

• “Would you like me to help you prioritise what must be done this week?”

• “Shall we take five minutes and figure out the next one or two steps?”
  

Small steps matter. In burnout, cognitive capacity is reduced so it's easy to get stuck in a spiral of overwhelm.

Step 5: Encourage them to access proper support

Burnout often needs more than informal support, yet a burnt out person may have done into themselves too much to be able to consider what is available or possible. Highlighting what is available in your own place of work or local area can be really helpful.

Workplace support options (where available)

• line manager conversation

• HR

• Occupational Health

• Employee Assistance Programme (EAP)

• adjustments under workplace policy (reduced workload, deadlines, role clarity, temporary redeployment, protected breaks)

  
  

Healthcare support

• GP (especially if they’re struggling to function, sleeping poorly, having panic symptoms, or feeling low), a GP can also advise if there might be extra support e.g. a carer's assessment (if they are informally caring for others), and other similar ideas.

• therapy (particularly if burnout is tangled with trauma, perfectionism, people-pleasing, or chronic over-responsibility)

• local support groups linked to areas of stress (e.g. parenting teens, living with chronic illness, caring for elderly parents, and so on).

  
  

If you’re in a senior role, you can also consider whether there are systemic stressors that need escalating and tending too, because burnout is rarely just an individual problem.

What if they brush you off?

It's difficult to own up to our own struggles, especially in a workplace where we might feel vulnerable to losing out to others for promotions or projects. So this might mean that your attempt to offer support gets brushed off. This doesn't mean that it hasn't been heard - it may take them a few days to consider the interaction and allow themselves to soak up your concern. So try not to take this personally, some ways of managing this might include:

• “Okay - thanks for hearing me. I just wanted you to know I’ve noticed, and I’m here if you want to talk.”

• “No pressure to share. I'm here if you want to chat about anything at any time”

Step 6: Know when to escalate

Worried about their own safety

If your colleague says anything that suggests they might be unsafe (e.g., not wanting to be here, thoughts of self-harm, feeling trapped), don’t keep it secret.

Let them know “I’m really glad you told me. I’m concerned about you, and I think we need to get you some proper support today.”

Depending on your setting, escalation might include:

• urgent GP contact

• speaking to a manager or safeguarding lead

• occupational health

• emergency services if there is immediate risk

If you’re unsure, err on the side of involving appropriate support - often a situation is less black and white than we'd like for making decisions, if in doubt it's best to make a decision with someone else.

Worried about the safety of others

It's possible that you are also worried about the impact of their deterioration on clients, customers, patients, pupils, or service users. Perhaps there have been more serious errors or poor judgement or boundaries being crossed. If you’re reading this and thinking, I’m not sure they’re OK to be doing this job right now then it’s appropriate to raise the concern through your workplace process, which should be available in staff policies. It may include speaking to your line manager, safeguarding lead, clinical governance route, or HR -depending on the setting.

Keep it factual and specific to what you observed, roughly when you observed this, what impact it had (or could have), and why it worries you. You don’t need to know what course of action they'll take; you’re flagging a safety concern so the organisation can take proportionate action to assess and support your colleague.

If your colleague works with children or vulnerable adults, the threshold for escalating concerns is (rightly) lower. In children’s settings, concerns about an adult’s behaviour that suggest harm, risk, boundary issues, or suitability to work with children may need to go through the safeguarding route and, in some cases, LADO processes (usually via the Designated Safeguarding Lead/headteacher/ or HR).

Protect your own boundaries (so you don’t get pulled under too)

Supporting someone in burnout can activate your own sense of responsibility - especially if you’re empathic, conscientious, or accustomed to being in a helper role. So a few boundary reminders for your own wellbeing:

• You can be supportive without being available 24/7.

• You are allowed to say “I can’t do that, but I can do this.”

• You can encourage support without becoming the support system.

• If you start feeling resentful or depleted, it’s a sign you need limits.

When to seek professional help

If your colleague is:

• struggling to function day-to-day

• increasingly withdrawn or tearful

• having panic symptoms

• unable to switch off

• experiencing hopelessness

• relying heavily on substances to cope

• talking about feeling trapped or unsafe

…encourage them to speak to their GP or a mental health professional.

At Plum Psychology, our team of HCPC-registered clinical psychologists support high-achieving professionals with burnout, chronic stress, emotional overwhelm, and the underlying patterns that keep people stuck in survival mode.

Want support?

If you’d like help with burnout or your mental health - whether you’re on the edge, already in collapse, or trying to prevent a repeat episode - we offer evidence-based psychological therapy either online or in person in Taunton, Somerset. Get in touch here to book a free call.

What to Read Next

👉 Our Definitive Guide to Burnout page links to a number of handy of articles and assessment tools

👉 Read the blog How to Support A Loved One to Try Therapy

👉 Get our free Roadmap out of Burnout here.